Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
