tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
please come you make the beer taste better
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize