Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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