so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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