Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
