Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
