dude i'm inner monologue high
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
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