Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
NoShamevember. You game?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
