All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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