why didn't you poke me back
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
