Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
