I want to walk on stilts...naked
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
