Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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