we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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