Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I love you.
Bad choice
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