I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
