Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
