Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
