I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
