Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just had sex on a roof
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
