You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
