I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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