I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
