The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
