in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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