If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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