It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
