y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We have so much sex to catch up on
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
