don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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