ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
