Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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