carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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