I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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