took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
