If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
