Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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