Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
