He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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