I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
