The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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