i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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