why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
