i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
