Plan B is the new Plan A
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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