My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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