just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
