he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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