Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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