I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
