fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
