I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
