o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
