I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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