She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
