It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
