I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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