Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
