Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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