i just sent this text using only my big toe
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
