so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
