why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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