His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
