ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize