Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
