I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
