I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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